Hey, Do You Have a Safe Space?

Because defining your boundaries is vital.

Most people often forgo creating a safe environment, leading to unwanted emotional and mental stress for everyone. We see so-called accomplished people who still aren’t happy or satisfied. Although there can be multiple reasons for it, one of the most common, yet ignored ones is the lack of a safe space. The concept of safe space is either mixed with a lack of desire for growth or is considered too cliché to discuss in the modern-day world. This mindset results in mental and emotional distress, which is often expressed as frustration and displeasure in life.

It is essential to change this mindset and create a safe environment for yourself. What is a safe space? And how can you create one to solve any dissatisfaction in your life? To answer this question, let’s imagine a physical circle in which you live. Going anywhere beyond this circle can bring you harm while remaining too close to the internal core would be wasteful. As time goes, you should be broadening your circle as part of one’s growth, which we refer to as pushing boundaries.

Creating Boundaries

Creating a safe space is just like creating a boundary, which defines your personality and tells you who you are. You must know yourself, your likes, dislikes, ethics, morals, habits, and values in order to define a space for yourself. To find out all these aspects, you must exercise mindfulness and self-love. It will help you go deeper into your thoughts, delve into your core, understand yourself, and establish the metrics that define your personality. When we ask you to define your boundary, it is not about a rigid line that you can never cross.

The purpose of a boundary is to provide you with a benchmark based on which you can make future decisions and establish your own rights and wrongs. It is especially vital when moving to a new culture or setting, where you are unaware of the existing norms. In such a situation, you’ll likely be a part of activities that you inherently don’t want to be a part of, but have to do so because of the cultural changes and external pressure. With a defined boundary, you can exercise a self-review of the situation – no matter how tempting it is, you won’t cross your limits and this will keep your personality intact.

How Do We Know Our Boundaries?

An important thing to realise is that everyone’s boundaries are different. The things you might consider out of your boundary might be essential for others, so you can’t rely on someone else’s limits as your own. This is why you have to keep your boundary in your subconscious mind. You’ll have to train your mind to bring in your morals and ethics in every situation that you think is tempting.

It should be a quick process that must be conducted in the back of your mind to evaluate a particular scenario so that you can make a mindful decision that you won’t regret later. The human brain works in such a way that once you start pushing it to think along these lines, your brain will provide you with a mindful answer that you’ll be able to rely upon every time.

How Much Should You Compromise for Your Boundary?

Having a boundary doesn’t mean you don’t have an option to go beyond it, but it definitely means that you don’t have to act upon other’s advice to push your boundaries. You must know your limitations first in order to push them further. Change is constant today. With the world being a global village, you’ll have to adopt new things and forgo your old habits – all of this requires you to push your boundaries. However, you must not push it unnecessarily.

The answer to the “why” must be the guiding force to find a solution for how much to push. You can compromise your boundaries if you think they align with your end goals or if you have realised a gap in your personality that you want to fill. Keep in mind, though, that compromise can lead you either towards or away from your goal. It is you who must decide. When you have your boundaries defined, you’ll know how much to compromise. You can easily take a few steps from your boundary and evaluate the results.

After taking these steps, you’ll be able to assess if your decision to compromise is in your interest or not. Even if your decision-making skills don’t prove to be optimal, you can quickly get back to your safe space. And if your decision proves to be in line with your overall goals, you can take baby steps to improve and open up. With these measures, you’ll be in a better position to be your own judge, adjust according to the scenario, and grow while maintaining your safe space. Remember: the entire concept of a safe space is integral in shaping our personalities as we have to maintain our ethics, morals, and habits – we shouldn’t lose ourselves by doing something that the world expects us to do.

Learn more about Aditi Vijay Chandanani and her work as a life coach at @decodingquirks_lifecoach.

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The 5 Relationship Issues Therapy Can’t Fix

Fraught and Complex

Couples often turn to therapy as a means to navigate through their issues and rebuild their connection. While therapy can help improve many aspects of a relationship, there are certain issues that therapy may not be able to fully resolve. We explore five common relationship issues that therapy may struggle to fix. Let’s see why they persist and alternative approaches to addressing them.

1. Lack of Fundamental Emotional Compatibility:

The word ‘fundamental’ points to the level of incompatibility that turns up in communication styles. Like, difficulty expressing emotions or clashing attachment styles. These days there are tons of videos on Instagram explaining how attachment styles sometimes lead to this issue being unfixable. The truth is that while therapy can certainly provide tools and techniques to improve communication, it may not be able to alter deep-seated emotional differences. It is best to seek support from experts who specialize in individual emotional growth. The next step would be to explore if the relationship’s emotional limits can be reconciled.

2. Fundamental Values Misalignment:

When couples have differing beliefs and values regarding major life decisions, therapy faces its limitations. These include starting a family, having children, steering the development path of a child, looking after their own individual career goals, around or religious practices (not to mention fanatic political views). The challenge is to reconcile deep values that impact the direction and fulfilment of each individual’s life. Take the time to consider if a compromise is possible or if the misalignment is too significant for a successful long-term relationship. Usually, later is the case.

3. Unresolved Past Trauma:

Trauma experienced by one or both partners can alter the relationship dynamics. Therapy can help individuals heal and provide a safe space for discussing their trauma within the context of the relationship. However, unresolved trauma may continue to have a ripple effect on a couple’s relationship. This ends up leading to recurring patterns of emotional distress and difficulty in fully trusting one another. The trust is neither formed nor do the individuals allow for trust to form. The patterns create blockages as well as manifestation of more traumatic experiences within the couple which leads to a complete breakdown. In such cases, individual therapy or trauma-specific therapies may be necessary to fully address and heal from past traumas.

4. Constant Power Struggles:

In some relationships, power struggles become an ongoing pattern that hinders intimacy and growth. Add to that, the pressure of family dynamics, egotistical expectations and selfish career choices. It’s a sad situation in the life of this couple because even though therapy can provide strategies for improving communication and resolving conflicts, it may not be able to fundamentally shift the dynamics of power imbalances. Power struggles often stem from deeper-rooted issues such as a lack of respect, parental avoidant behaviour in childhood, control issues, and other unresolved childhood experiences. Drug abuse and substance overuse adds to the problem. Additional support, such as personal growth work or couples coaching, may be beneficial.

5. Irreparable Betrayal:

Betrayals, such as infidelity or a breach of trust, can rock the foundation of any relationship. While therapy facilities open dialogue and forgiveness, it may not be enough to repair the deep wounds caused by betrayal. With the blame game that often becomes a pattern in such situations, rebuilding trust takes time and a commitment from both partners to actively work on restoring the relationship.

When it comes to relationship challenges, therapy also has its limits. It’s crucial to recognise that certain issues, such as those listed above, may require alternative approaches or support beyond traditional therapy. Remember, every relationship is unique, and finding the right combination of support and strategies is key to overcoming obstacles and discovering a path towards a healthier and happier future together.