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Why Divorce Isn’t the End of the World

And why your mental health during the process matters.

In certain cultures, divorce is one of the least accepted decisions a couple can make. People often expect two individuals to be in a relationship throughout their lives – even if they can’t cooperate enough to spend a day with their sanity intact. Deciding on getting a divorce is already a long and complicated decision, and the societal pressure around it makes it even more complex. Couples can feel burdened under this pressure, even though it is a decision that only concerns them and the family they’ve created.

The Grief Cycle

People might assume that the couple must be ‘okay’ if they’ve made the decision themselves, but the actual reality can be different and depends a lot on the level of emotional attachment they had. If two individuals had a close relationship, they would’ve likely developed an emotional attachment, too. This can cause some couples to wonder why they are even separating. Multiple factors could be responsible, with compatibility and adjustment being some of the common reasons we might have heard of.

Today, however, change is starting to become an even more important factor that we are now normalising. It can come in the shape of difference in career, goals, relationship choices, lifestyle – the list goes on. A couple going through a divorce could experience grief like that of a loss. The emotions of the individuals involved could swing from the passive to the active stage.

Getting a divorce

But one crucial thing to keep in mind here is that the two individuals must be emotionally attached at some level to go through the grief cycle. Even the intensity of emotions associated with each stage differs depending on their emotional attachment. The same is true with time. You cannot determine how much time a person will take in moving from one phase to the other or accepting the decision. It can vary from hours and days to months or even years.

Going from the shock stage to the acceptance stage requires patience and accepting reality. Besides, the timeline for reaching the acceptance stage is not the same for everyone – it ranges from individual to individual. Once you accept the divorce papers as reality, you are usually in a state of shock where you do not want to acknowledge things at first. People may be in denial and make excuses for each situation and circumstance, assuming that it must not be happening to them.

Once the realisation of the situation starts to set in, then comes the anger. This is usually rooted in how they feel cheated of the time and emotions they invested into the relationship. If children are involved, the anger stage might last longer as they feel obligated to fight for the ‘perfect family’.

Divorce counselling & advice

This then brings us to the bargaining stage, where they are willing to give away a few things in return for others. This stage can easily turn sour when both individuals try to deal with the reality of things by bargaining and realise that it’s simply not working. This stage can lead to depression – either acute or deep – where they feel they cannot change their situation.

Usually, after this stage, they start testing new alternatives like continuing their career, co-parenting methods, remarrying, or pursuing other priorities. Once they find out what works for them, they usually accept the situation and move on in life. All these processes are natural, and the pain people face is a sign to change and grow. This is the time when others need to show support. Help them understand the advantages of their situation and let them realise that it was the best decision that they could’ve made, given their circumstances.

Although such pain and emotional trauma is natural, the social pressure and lack of support from friends and family makes it worse. We, as a society, need to normalise divorce. If two people are not happy living together, then they shouldn’t be forced to be with each other anymore. Instead of pitying them, we should congratulate them for ending a relationship that was not meant for them.  

Working Through the Guilt

No matter what the emotional attachment was during the active relationship, one or both parties are often left with a certain amount of guilt. This guilt can make them doubt the right time to start enjoying their life again. The result? They get stuck in this emotional cycle and do not freely live a happy life. Loved ones of divorcees can be especially vital in such cases, helping them focus on the fact that the uncomfortable part is done and they’re now walking into happiness. 

Therapy to Cope

Things you should know about divorce

Therapy can be a great aid in helping people navigate their divorce. Therapy, in general, is great for adjusting to any change of state – be it big or small. We should normalise therapy as an essential part of life, not something to be ashamed of or something reserved for ‘broken’ people. Therapy can also help in maintaining and distancing oneself from their ex-partner. This is important, especially if you need to co-parent, as an ugly divorce can have adverse effects on children’s mental health.

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Unveiling the Power of Connection: The Impact of Relationship Counselling on Love and Harmony

Harmony Through Counselling

Relationships are an integral part of our lives, and they can bring us immense joy and fulfilment. However, they can also be a source of stress, conflict, and pain. When faced with challenges in our relationships, it can be difficult to know how to navigate them and find a resolution. This is where relationship counselling comes in.

In this article, we will explore the power of connection and the impact of relationship counselling on love and harmony. We will delve into the benefits of seeking counselling, the role of anger management in relationships, and how relationship counselling in Brighton can help you and your partner strengthen your bond.

The Importance of Connection in Relationships

The Foundation of Love and Harmony

Connection is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It is the bond that brings two people together and allows them to build a life together. When we feel connected to our partner, we feel understood, supported, and loved. This connection is what allows us to weather the storms of life and come out stronger on the other side.

The Impact of Disconnection

On the other hand, when we feel disconnected from our partner, it can lead to feelings of loneliness, frustration, and resentment. This disconnection can manifest in various ways, such as lack of communication, lack of intimacy, or constant arguments. If left unaddressed, it can lead to the breakdown of the relationship.

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The Benefits of Relationship Counselling

Relationship counselling is a form of therapy that focuses on improving communication, resolving conflicts, and strengthening the connection between partners. It can be beneficial for couples at any stage of their relationship, whether they are just starting out or have been together for many years.

Improved Communication

One of the most significant benefits of relationship counselling is improved communication. A counsellor can help couples learn how to express their thoughts and feelings effectively and listen to each other without judgment. This can lead to a deeper understanding of each other and a stronger connection.

Conflict Resolution

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but it is how we handle it that can make or break a relationship. Relationship counselling can provide couples with the tools and techniques to resolve conflicts in a healthy and productive manner. This can prevent small issues from turning into larger ones and strengthen the bond between partners.

Strengthened Connection

Through counselling, couples can work on rebuilding their connection and strengthening their bond. This can involve exploring each other’s needs, values, and goals, and finding ways to support and nurture each other. A stronger connection can lead to increased intimacy, trust, and overall satisfaction in the relationship.

The Role of Anger Management in Relationships

Anger is a natural emotion, and it is normal for couples to experience anger towards each other at times. However, when anger is not managed effectively, it can cause harm to the relationship. This is where anger management and relationship counselling can be beneficial.

Understanding the Root of Anger

Anger is often a secondary emotion, meaning that it is a reaction to another underlying emotion. In relationships, anger can stem from feelings of hurt, fear, or frustration. A counsellor can help couples identify the root of their anger and address the underlying emotions.

Learning Healthy Coping Mechanisms

In relationship counselling, couples can learn healthy coping mechanisms for managing anger. This can include techniques such as deep breathing, taking a break from the situation, or using “I” statements to express feelings. These tools can help couples communicate effectively and prevent anger from causing harm to the relationship.

Building Empathy and Understanding

Anger can often be a result of a lack of understanding or empathy towards our partner’s perspective. Through counselling, couples can work on building empathy and understanding towards each other. This can lead to more compassionate and productive communication, even in times of conflict.

Frequently Asked Questions

How does relationship counseling enhance connection and love?

Explore the ways in which relationship counseling works to deepen emotional bonds, improve communication, and foster a stronger connection between partners.

How can relationship counseling improve love and harmony in a partnership?

Delve into the ways counseling techniques contribute to enhancing love and harmony, addressing communication issues, resolving conflicts, and building a stronger emotional connection.

Is relationship counseling only for troubled relationships?

Learn about the proactive role of relationship counseling in enhancing healthy relationships, preventing potential issues, and fostering a resilient foundation for long-term love and harmony.

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