One of the main anxiety-driven phases we go through in life is getting married. There are so many myths surrounding it – both liberal and conservative – that we tend to lose focus of the reason behind why we are actually getting married. From society’s perspective, marriage is an achievement, while divorce is a failure, so you need to get married and make it work if you want to appear successful.
However, this is not a healthy way of living life. No matter how many articles you read on getting married or maintaining a good relationship with your spouse, you cannot learn to maintain an ideal relationship. You have to define what an ideal relationship is to you and adjust your life to it in order to be content. There is no magic formula to consume and live happily ever after.
With that being said, keep in mind that your definition of things can be different from others, and that’s okay. You don’t have to follow everything you hear from others and implement it in your marriage because you think those who followed it lived a happy life. However, it’s important to understand the basic framework that can ensure a better relationship between you and your spouse.
You Are Marrying a Person
Obviously, you know you’re marrying a real person, but sometimes, you may not understand it that well. Usually, the aura of a wife or a husband is so stereotypical in everyone’s mind that we forget that one’s spouse is a real person – with their own qualities and weaknesses. As a partner, you need to accept all of that along with the person themselves.
It has been culturally engraved in our minds that a husband is supposed to earn for a family and provide them with security. In contrast, a wife must handle all household care. But going by these norms doesn’t always lead to a perfect relationship. You have to look at your spouse in terms of their strengths. Doing so can help you overcome their negative traits to create a sustainable relationship. This isn’t true in the case of marriage only – all sorts of relationships and partnerships work on this principle.
Newlyweds Need Space
In our society, newlyweds are expected to be in love all the time and spend all their time together. Due to this societal perception, a newlywed couple might try to be around each other all the time, ignoring their me-time. The results in the couple’s honeymoon period fading away very quickly. The lack of me-time results in building up false expectations from each side and resenting each other once you can’t meet up to those expectations.
This is quite normal, but when you are unaware of the reasons, you start finding other issues and therefore create more problems in your relationship. So, the solution here is to take out some me-time – even in the honeymoon phase. When you care for yourself and have your own time to think, relax, and enjoy yourself, you’ll prolong the honeymoon period with your partner too. This will help you build a strong base for your relationship.
Compromise Isn’t Always Negative
Compromises were common in marriages for centuries, yet today, our generation perceives them negatively. It is because they either don’t know the word’s definition or how to use it to strengthen their relationship. You don’t have to take ‘compromise’ as a negative word. It means to make space and room for your spouse in your life, which is possible when you adopt a few habits that your spouse likes and leave a few that they don’t. The key here is that it must be done from both sides. But which habits should you adopt, and which should you not? Only you have the answer to that question.
To know what to do, you must understand your boundaries, strengths, and weaknesses. You can only make space when you feel secure, so when you are expected to change a particular habit or adopt a new one, it’s better to think about it based on the impact it will have on your mental health. It is okay if adopting a new habit is not pleasant, but if you know that it will create problems for you and affect your wellness, then it might not be for you. Your partner should be understanding when it comes to this as a similar battle would be going on at their end, too.