We are all social animals, but as much as we enjoy spending time networking, interacting, and making vacation plans with friends and family, there comes a point where we need space and time to spend alone – being around others can sometimes be conflicting, draining, or even depressing. In essence, everything is energy, and who you spend time with determines the energetic vibrations you carry around you, be it negative or positive.
The kind of effect a person has on you depends on how similar your level of consciousness and your vibrational frequency is in comparison to the other person. It can pave the way for either a meaningful or a toxic relationship. Do you often feel exhausted or maybe bored after speaking to a friend for prolonged periods of time? Does it get so difficult to spend time with your partner that you end up craving personal space instead? Do you have family members who barely allow you to make decisions, hampering your growth in the process?
If you answered yes to these questions, you are probably experiencing a conflict of interest, and the other party is likely becoming toxic for your mental health. Every relationship dynamic is different, yet having said that, we are all unique in our own way and how we perceive our reality. Being around like-minded people can greatly shape your reality and set you up for success. Being around people who keep you begging for more, make you feel miserable, or leave very little room for understanding is bound to hamper your growth and well-being whilst they ensure theirs is in check.
As the famous saying by self-help guru Jim Rohn goes, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
These core people in your life determine the life you’re living. For instance, studies have shown that a person’s chances of becoming obese increased by 57% if they had a friend who became obese. Similarly, another study found that happy and unhappy people visibly cluster around each other, and that having a friend around you when you are happy can increase your happiness by 25%. Thus, having the right relationships with the right people has a direct effect on your overall health and wellness.
As simple as it may be, the right people in your life won’t judge you, make you feel uncomfortable or guilty, or take advantage of your nature. They’ll respect your privacy, encourage you, often share the same likes or dislikes as you, and (most importantly) hold the same level of consciousness as you. So how do you attract the right people into your life? Read on.
1. Know Yourself Well
A lot of issues and conflicts happen due to lack of or improper communication. It’s only when you know how to communicate with your mind and heart that you can do the same with others – only when you learn to love yourself can you learn to love others. At the same time, it also helps to know your personality type or traits as they can be indicators for why and how you attract people in your life. Ask yourself the following: Am I adventurous, introverted, mellow, or straightforward? What are the traits I value most? What hobbies or priorities in my life are non-negotiable?
2. Curb Your Time with the Wrong People
People are not necessarily wrong – it’s just that their way of life might not coincide with yours, and that’s okay. A good way to cut out the wrong people from your life is to first cut them out of your mind. Remember: where attention goes, energy flows. Don’t give them your mind space. Whenever a thought comes to your mind that involves a negative person, refocus your attention and think of someone who you admire or consider a positive influence.
Also, let go of feelings of hate and revenge. When you hate someone, you are automatically bound to think about them a lot, which is counterproductive. The best thing to do is to let go of these negative feelings and make room for positive energy to freely flow. Similarly, if you wish to distance yourself from someone, try to minimise your interactions with them. Keep it to a bare minimum and, with time, those relationships will either get stronger and better or simply fade out. Rest assured, whatever happens will happen for the best.
3. Start Putting Yourself First
As you let go of your layers, get vulnerable with yourself and accept yourself for who you are. You will realise that being you comes first and what follows is being with like-minded people who match your vibe. You aren’t required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Often, this feeling of choosing yourself can feel lonely, so we tend to choose temporary moments of happiness with people we barely like. But life works in mysterious ways and the moment you strive for what you truly want (even at the cost of others), life starts rewarding you with what you truly deserve. For all you know, you might find out that the right people have always been around you – maybe just not in your inner circle.