How to Find the Right People in Your Life

Say goodbye to negativity!

We are all social animals, but as much as we enjoy spending time networking, interacting, and making vacation plans with friends and family, there comes a point where we need space and time to spend alone – being around others can sometimes be conflicting, draining, or even depressing. In essence, everything is energy, and who you spend time with determines the energetic vibrations you carry around you, be it negative or positive.

The kind of effect a person has on you depends on how similar your level of consciousness and your vibrational frequency is in comparison to the other person. It can pave the way for either a meaningful or a toxic relationship. Do you often feel exhausted or maybe bored after speaking to a friend for prolonged periods of time? Does it get so difficult to spend time with your partner that you end up craving personal space instead? Do you have family members who barely allow you to make decisions, hampering your growth in the process?

If you answered yes to these questions, you are probably experiencing a conflict of interest, and the other party is likely becoming toxic for your mental health. Every relationship dynamic is different, yet having said that, we are all unique in our own way and how we perceive our reality. Being around like-minded people can greatly shape your reality and set you up for success. Being around people who keep you begging for more, make you feel miserable, or leave very little room for understanding is bound to hamper your growth and well-being whilst they ensure theirs is in check.

As the famous saying by self-help guru Jim Rohn goes, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

Helpful Tips In Finding The Right People

These core people in your life determine the life you’re living. For instance, studies have shown that a person’s chances of becoming obese increased by 57% if they had a friend who became obese. Similarly, another study found that happy and unhappy people visibly cluster around each other, and that having a friend around you when you are happy can increase your happiness by 25%. Thus, having the right relationships with the right people has a direct effect on your overall health and wellness.

As simple as it may be, the right people in your life won’t judge you, make you feel uncomfortable or guilty, or take advantage of your nature. They’ll respect your privacy, encourage you, often share the same likes or dislikes as you, and (most importantly) hold the same level of consciousness as you. So how do you attract the right people into your life? Read on.

1. Know Yourself Well

A lot of issues and conflicts happen due to lack of or improper communication. It’s only when you know how to communicate with your mind and heart that you can do the same with others – only when you learn to love yourself can you learn to love others. At the same time, it also helps to know your personality type or traits as they can be indicators for why and how you attract people in your life. Ask yourself the following: Am I adventurous, introverted, mellow, or straightforward? What are the traits I value most? What hobbies or priorities in my life are non-negotiable?

2. Curb Your Time with the Wrong People

People are not necessarily wrong – it’s just that their way of life might not coincide with yours, and that’s okay. A good way to cut out the wrong people from your life is to first cut them out of your mind. Remember: where attention goes, energy flows. Don’t give them your mind space. Whenever a thought comes to your mind that involves a negative person, refocus your attention and think of someone who you admire or consider a positive influence.

Also, let go of feelings of hate and revenge. When you hate someone, you are automatically bound to think about them a lot, which is counterproductive. The best thing to do is to let go of these negative feelings and make room for positive energy to freely flow. Similarly, if you wish to distance yourself from someone, try to minimise your interactions with them. Keep it to a bare minimum and, with time, those relationships will either get stronger and better or simply fade out. Rest assured, whatever happens will happen for the best.

3. Start Putting Yourself First

As you let go of your layers, get vulnerable with yourself and accept yourself for who you are. You will realise that being you comes first and what follows is being with like-minded people who match your vibe. You aren’t required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Often, this feeling of choosing yourself can feel lonely, so we tend to choose temporary moments of happiness with people we barely like. But life works in mysterious ways and the moment you strive for what you truly want (even at the cost of others), life starts rewarding you with what you truly deserve. For all you know, you might find out that the right people have always been around you – maybe just not in your inner circle.

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The 5 Relationship Issues Therapy Can’t Fix

Fraught and Complex

Couples often turn to therapy as a means to navigate through their issues and rebuild their connection. While therapy can help improve many aspects of a relationship, there are certain issues that therapy may not be able to fully resolve. We explore five common relationship issues that therapy may struggle to fix. Let’s see why they persist and alternative approaches to addressing them.

1. Lack of Fundamental Emotional Compatibility:

The word ‘fundamental’ points to the level of incompatibility that turns up in communication styles. Like, difficulty expressing emotions or clashing attachment styles. These days there are tons of videos on Instagram explaining how attachment styles sometimes lead to this issue being unfixable. The truth is that while therapy can certainly provide tools and techniques to improve communication, it may not be able to alter deep-seated emotional differences. It is best to seek support from experts who specialize in individual emotional growth. The next step would be to explore if the relationship’s emotional limits can be reconciled.

2. Fundamental Values Misalignment:

When couples have differing beliefs and values regarding major life decisions, therapy faces its limitations. These include starting a family, having children, steering the development path of a child, looking after their own individual career goals, around or religious practices (not to mention fanatic political views). The challenge is to reconcile deep values that impact the direction and fulfilment of each individual’s life. Take the time to consider if a compromise is possible or if the misalignment is too significant for a successful long-term relationship. Usually, later is the case.

3. Unresolved Past Trauma:

Trauma experienced by one or both partners can alter the relationship dynamics. Therapy can help individuals heal and provide a safe space for discussing their trauma within the context of the relationship. However, unresolved trauma may continue to have a ripple effect on a couple’s relationship. This ends up leading to recurring patterns of emotional distress and difficulty in fully trusting one another. The trust is neither formed nor do the individuals allow for trust to form. The patterns create blockages as well as manifestation of more traumatic experiences within the couple which leads to a complete breakdown. In such cases, individual therapy or trauma-specific therapies may be necessary to fully address and heal from past traumas.

4. Constant Power Struggles:

In some relationships, power struggles become an ongoing pattern that hinders intimacy and growth. Add to that, the pressure of family dynamics, egotistical expectations and selfish career choices. It’s a sad situation in the life of this couple because even though therapy can provide strategies for improving communication and resolving conflicts, it may not be able to fundamentally shift the dynamics of power imbalances. Power struggles often stem from deeper-rooted issues such as a lack of respect, parental avoidant behaviour in childhood, control issues, and other unresolved childhood experiences. Drug abuse and substance overuse adds to the problem. Additional support, such as personal growth work or couples coaching, may be beneficial.

5. Irreparable Betrayal:

Betrayals, such as infidelity or a breach of trust, can rock the foundation of any relationship. While therapy facilities open dialogue and forgiveness, it may not be enough to repair the deep wounds caused by betrayal. With the blame game that often becomes a pattern in such situations, rebuilding trust takes time and a commitment from both partners to actively work on restoring the relationship.

When it comes to relationship challenges, therapy also has its limits. It’s crucial to recognise that certain issues, such as those listed above, may require alternative approaches or support beyond traditional therapy. Remember, every relationship is unique, and finding the right combination of support and strategies is key to overcoming obstacles and discovering a path towards a healthier and happier future together.