Have you ever battled with how you looked – certain body parts or with all over? Had negative thoughts about your weight? Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and felt sad and deflated with the reflection looking back at you? Or, have you refused to be in photos because you just can’t stand the sight of yourself in them?

If you said yes to any or all the above, you are not alone. Most women (and men) throughout their lifetime will have at least one moment where they are not happy with what they see reflecting back at them. In 2019, The Mental Health Foundation, in the UK, reported that at least 70% of adults have negative thoughts about their body image. This was before all our lockdown conundrums in 2020 and I have a hunch that post-Covid, that number would, sadly, be even higher. 

Body dissatisfaction is not a new thing. It is common and can start as early as toddler years. With access to social media and influencers posting a lot of their hot bods it is no wonder the statistics for teens body dissatisfaction is as high as it is. Fifty per cent of girls aged 13, in the USA, reported being unhappy about their body, along with 25% of adolescent males reporting some dissatisfaction with their muscle tone and weight as well. By the time the girls reached 17 years of age, a further 30% of the group reported concerns around their body image. See Break Binge Eating for more mind blowing statistics and research papers.

So many of us get caught up on what our bodies look like and what the number on the scales say.  I’m here to tell you there are ways to shift your perspective on the negative thoughts that may be clouding your judgement of just how amazing you truly are.

My Story

As a woman in her 40s, I’ve had all the ups and downs of body challenges, as many of us have. In my teens, I had hips but a flat belly and filled a C-cup pretty well: a “perfect” hourglass figure which saw me pick up a few modelling gigs here and there.

In my early 20s, I was in a stressful job and gained weight, going from 66kg to 80kg. With some hard work and dedication, I was able to reduce this and eventually returned to 68kgs. But then I entered my early 30s with two pregnancies – hello, 94kgs (it seemed to be my sweet spot pregnancy weight). 

Anyone else relate?

Obsessed with getting that (baby) weight off, trying out all sorts of diets (keto, intermittent fasting, paleo). Becoming fitness obsessed – training / working out six or more times a week. Barely eating 1,000 calories a day. Spending years battling yo-yoing weight along with yo-yoing diets. The ups and downs and in-betweens. But still feeling deflated with the reflection in the mirror.  

I don’t know about you, but my wardrobe includes sizes from 10 to 16 and I dare not throw any of those smaller sizes away because maybe, just maybe, I will fit back into that size 10 pair of jeans that fit me when I was 21. 

If you can relate, I hear you. I see you. 

I have had that battle with my weight since I was 22 and my lowest point was early in 2020.  We all know what went down in 2020! (Sorry I brought you back there!) Add a son with a fractured skull, lockdowns and home-schooling… the stress off it all took its toll on me mentally and my weight followed.  

I ballooned to 88kgs – the heaviest I had ever been without being pregnant. My self-esteem was at an all-time low. I often found myself in the bathroom in tears – crying, head in hands or looking at myself in disgust in the mirror. 

In amongst the tears, my narrative ran a little like this: 

“I’m so fat and ugly.”

“I’m not a good enough mum.”  

“I’m not a good enough teacher.”  

“I’m not a good enough personal trainer, because a trainer would never let themselves get to this point – how could I ever be an inspiration to anyone looking like this!?” 

“If I was back at my ideal weight, then I would be so much better at all of this.” 

It went on and on. 

Social media didn’t help with all the fitness ap craze – download this, do this workout to become an Amazonian Goddess! So, like many, I was very happy to be behind the screen (on Zoom) instead of in the homes of my clients, hiding what I had become. I was also super stressed about going back to normality. I could imagine the judgement from my clients seeing their trainer get bigger!  It certainly wasn’t nice to think about.

Later in the year, I started some research not only on body image but also about how I could feel better about myself and help others do the same, but not just from a physical perspective. I wanted to find something on a deeper level.  

Shifting the Mindset

I knew that looking at the scales was not doing me any good and I also started to see some concerns with my 10-year-old son too. He started to show a shift in his interest of fitness and what the numbers on the weighing scale were saying. I was all for him wanting to feel fit; however, the obsession with the number on the scale had me a little concerned. The battery in my scale went flat about six months ago and I do not intend to replace it. I suggest you do the same. 

In July of 2020, I was drawn to a coaching certification. I already had my degree in psychology and am certified as a Personal Trainer (although at first glance you would never guess this is my profession – I am not chiselled and toned as most trainers are – and I am totally okay with this… now). This certification led me down a path of self-discovery and growth. 

Along the way, I picked up some wonderful handy tips on rebuilding my confidence and self-esteem.  Instead of trying to “fix” my weight and be obsessed with the next diet or exercise fad, I shifted my mindset about my body. I focused on the positives instead of the negatives and these three tips are what started to help me do it. I hope they can help you as well. 

1. Kick-Ass Ways My Body Has Served Me

Instead of putting yourself down, think of some ways your body has served you. Think of things you are appreciative for and start with three, but don’t stop there! Add more if you want to. The more the better.

Some of the many things I appreciate my body for include:

• Carrying my two babies (now almost teenagers!)
• My long arms help so often with selfies and reaching things in high places.
• My overall body helping me achieve crazy fitness goals like completing the Muscat IronMan 70.3 in 2022. 

2. Positive Affirmations

Instead of the negative nanny the next time you look in the mirror, I invite you to focus on some positives. Smile, and whilst you smile look at yourself with some admiration, tell your reflection out loud what you like about yourself.  ry to list a minimum of three things. 

Think totally outside the box here. You don’t have to say it about things you see. It can be anything. A few of my favourites for myself are:

• I love my blue eyes.
• I love my thick blonde (about to be pink) hair.
• I love my crows feet (laugh lines) around my eyes, because they remind me of all the times I’ve had laughing with my family and friends. 

3. Added Value

Last but not least, we don’t need to focus on the physical all the time.  Instead, look at ways you have added value to not only your own life but more importantly, how you’ve added value to the people around you or the greater world. This is your time to puff up your chest and feel proud – these are your rockstar moments that you are truly proud of. Try to have at least one item for this list, but if you can get three – add that you are nailing this exercise too.

My Favourite Reminders:

• Supporting women to feel more confident in themselves.
• I’ve been told I have an infectious personality and energy that people love to be around.
• I lift up women (and men) and help them see through their limiting beliefs. 

I started to use these three tips and I’d write them in a small journal for a few weeks. I would repeat this daily until I started to feel my own confidence grow. Now, at about 88kgs (and I say about, because remember – the scale is flat and is staying that way) and size 14-16, I am more confident in my skin than I have ever been. I can deadlift 90kgs (not my heaviest, but it’s a great achievement), I can run a half-marathon, I can ride four hours on my bike up and down hills.

Yes, not all days are 100% upbeat and positive, and that is totally ok! But I now know how to pull myself out of the rut and negativity. I love that my body can do this and, quite frankly, I couldn’t give two hoots about what any other person’s judgement is of me.  As long as I am happy within myself – that is all that matters. And that is what I want for you too.

P.S.: That’s me in what I like to call my “sausage suit” (my tri suit). I used to hate putting this thing on. I did feel like I was trying to stuff myself into a skin, just like sausage meat. However, now I see past that. 

I was on my last lap of the Muscat IronMan 70.3 (1.8km swim, 90km bike ride, 21km run), which I completed in eight hours and 10 minutes.  This is now one of my most favourite photos because a body like that – went through all of that, and I am still standing strong. That’s totally epic.

Sharee Hendry is a personal trainer and women’s confidence coach based out of Muscat, Oman, who helps new mums gain their fitness back and help close their diastasis recti (ab separation) after birth while supporting women to overcome their fears, limiting beliefs, and self-doubt. If you are struggling with your weight or body image feel free to reach out [email protected].