Is Your Relationship in Need of a Holistic Sexologist?

It’s time to cultivate sexual intelligence.

As a board-certified sexologist, I have spent the last 23 years advocating for holistic sexual intelligence and empowerment. I offer help and support to both individuals and couples, having specialised in Sexological Counseling, Sexuality Education, and Sexual Health Promotion at the Nordic Association for Clinical Sexology (NACS) and the Finnish Association for Sexology (FIAS).

Today, men, women, and couples are increasingly consulting a sexologist, cultivating sexual awareness and sexual intelligence in order to access accurate information and make informed choices before engaging in intimacy with their beloved, if they choose to. After all, overall sexual response – or the lack thereof – can be a barometer of the health of the entire relationship.

For the uninitiated, sexual dissatisfaction is the result of one (or more) of the following conditions:

Lack of knowledge of one’s own body, especially genitalia.
Lack of knowledge of how to experience and share sexual pleasure, if one chooses to do so.
Guilt and shame about one’s body, feelings, thoughts, and sexual activity, often as a result of their upbringing.
Issues related to intimacy, arousal, libido, sexual discomfort and pain, and other sexual problems can also be used as an arena in which a couple chooses – usually subconsciously – to work out their power or other issues.

Some women experience sexual pain at times, and most prefer to identify and manage the root causes of why sex hurts and why they feel dry and tight. They would rather successfully manage the causes of vaginal dryness and possible sexual side effects of menopause as opposed to ignoring them. It is, however, essential to seek female-friendly sexual health and enhancement solutions for women’s sexual difficulties such as low sexual desire, orgasm challenges, and female sexual arousal disorder (FSAD). Most women wish to overcome painful sex and other sexuality worries via safe, evidence-based, lasting, and non-invasive solutions beyond the clinical or medical model.

There are four approaches that a sexologist may use to treat sexual dysfunction.

1. The Cognitive-Behavioural approach has three significant components:

Replacement of sexual anxiety with sexual comfort.
Adopting positive sexual attitudes and learning sexual skills.
A programme of individually designed sexual exercises (CBT) such as Sensate Focus to be done alone or with the partner between consultations with the expert.

2. The Biopsychosocial approach, which recognises that biological and medical factors, as well as psychological and cultural aspects, are involved in the onset of a sexual problem.

3. The Psychosexual approach, which combines clinical sexology (PLISSIT, MEBES, REASSURE models).

4. Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, an evidence-based system to build moment-to-moment awareness of one’s thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations in order to reduce stress, anxiety, and symptoms of depression.

Christina Lindea is a board-certified sexologist based in Dubai. Visit https://docnoor.com to learn more or book a session.

This article is for informational purposes only. It is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment and should never be relied upon for specific medical advice. To the extent that this article features the advice of physicians or medical practitioners, the views expressed are the views of the cited expert and do not necessarily represent the views of The Gaggler.

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The 5 Relationship Issues Therapy Can’t Fix

Fraught and Complex

Couples often turn to therapy as a means to navigate through their issues and rebuild their connection. While therapy can help improve many aspects of a relationship, there are certain issues that therapy may not be able to fully resolve. We explore five common relationship issues that therapy may struggle to fix. Let’s see why they persist and alternative approaches to addressing them.

1. Lack of Fundamental Emotional Compatibility:

The word ‘fundamental’ points to the level of incompatibility that turns up in communication styles. Like, difficulty expressing emotions or clashing attachment styles. These days there are tons of videos on Instagram explaining how attachment styles sometimes lead to this issue being unfixable. The truth is that while therapy can certainly provide tools and techniques to improve communication, it may not be able to alter deep-seated emotional differences. It is best to seek support from experts who specialize in individual emotional growth. The next step would be to explore if the relationship’s emotional limits can be reconciled.

2. Fundamental Values Misalignment:

When couples have differing beliefs and values regarding major life decisions, therapy faces its limitations. These include starting a family, having children, steering the development path of a child, looking after their own individual career goals, around or religious practices (not to mention fanatic political views). The challenge is to reconcile deep values that impact the direction and fulfilment of each individual’s life. Take the time to consider if a compromise is possible or if the misalignment is too significant for a successful long-term relationship. Usually, later is the case.

3. Unresolved Past Trauma:

Trauma experienced by one or both partners can alter the relationship dynamics. Therapy can help individuals heal and provide a safe space for discussing their trauma within the context of the relationship. However, unresolved trauma may continue to have a ripple effect on a couple’s relationship. This ends up leading to recurring patterns of emotional distress and difficulty in fully trusting one another. The trust is neither formed nor do the individuals allow for trust to form. The patterns create blockages as well as manifestation of more traumatic experiences within the couple which leads to a complete breakdown. In such cases, individual therapy or trauma-specific therapies may be necessary to fully address and heal from past traumas.

4. Constant Power Struggles:

In some relationships, power struggles become an ongoing pattern that hinders intimacy and growth. Add to that, the pressure of family dynamics, egotistical expectations and selfish career choices. It’s a sad situation in the life of this couple because even though therapy can provide strategies for improving communication and resolving conflicts, it may not be able to fundamentally shift the dynamics of power imbalances. Power struggles often stem from deeper-rooted issues such as a lack of respect, parental avoidant behaviour in childhood, control issues, and other unresolved childhood experiences. Drug abuse and substance overuse adds to the problem. Additional support, such as personal growth work or couples coaching, may be beneficial.

5. Irreparable Betrayal:

Betrayals, such as infidelity or a breach of trust, can rock the foundation of any relationship. While therapy facilities open dialogue and forgiveness, it may not be enough to repair the deep wounds caused by betrayal. With the blame game that often becomes a pattern in such situations, rebuilding trust takes time and a commitment from both partners to actively work on restoring the relationship.

When it comes to relationship challenges, therapy also has its limits. It’s crucial to recognise that certain issues, such as those listed above, may require alternative approaches or support beyond traditional therapy. Remember, every relationship is unique, and finding the right combination of support and strategies is key to overcoming obstacles and discovering a path towards a healthier and happier future together.