Have you brought the washing in?
Is dinner for today and tomorrow planned?
Do you remember that you’ve run out of milk?
Do you know when the kids’ next vaccine is due?
Of course you do! You see, us women are extraordinary human beings. Not only do we do everything that men do on a day-to-day basis, but we also do a million more things. Most of these tasks are invisible – they include things like the mental shopping list that is updated on an automatic basis. We know exactly what ingredient in the fridge has been used up, what needs to be bought right away, what needs to be purchased soon, and what household items can be added to the next big shopping trip. We know when the detergent is about to run out. We know which washing powder to buy because the other one causes our child to have rashes. We know what each child likes in their lunch box. How one child only wants cucumbers, and how it needs to be peeled or they won’t eat it. Or how our other child only eats a tuna wrap for lunch with popcorn for snacks. Keep in mind, the first child hates tuna, so you need to be careful not to mix up the lunch boxes.
Exhausted just reading that? I bet. This is what goes on in the mind of a woman – especially mothers – every single day! In essence, it is our invisible emotional burden that is the main differentiator between women and men. Of course, this doesn’t happen all the time, but you would be hard-pressed to find it the other way round. You see, it is not just running the household that us women take on – it’s the extras. It’s all the little things, like remembering what day the kids have library to make sure to put their library books in their bag or remembering that it’s World Book Day and making sure the kids have their outfits planned.
Let’s delve into a simple example of what it’s like each day. The school sends you an e-mail a week or two in advance that it’s World Book Day. Mum, who is most likely the only parent who actually opened this e-mail, makes a note in her diary or marks the day in her head. Mum then asks the child what character said child would like to go as. Mum makes a note of this mentally. Mum then needs to arrange how to put that outfit together so that her child looks as close to that character as possible. Mum needs see if what they have at home is sufficient enough for the outfit. If not, then mum needs to either order it online or go to a shop and buy it. Once mum has bought the outfit, she then needs to check into her mental calendar to ensure she gets the outfit out on the day of World Book Day. Funnily enough, on the last World Book Day, one of my son’s friends came into school in his PE uniform. I asked my son why he didn’t dress up, and he said his dad forgot to dress him up for the day.
Here’s another true story for you and, as hilarious as it is, I was not laughing when it actually happened. My husband said he’d pick up the kids from school one day. Can you can see where I am going with this? I thought, ‘Great! I can get on with some work then.’ We spoke at 1pm and on the phone and he confirmed that he would pick them up. I looked at my phone at 2:40pm – they need to be picked up at 3:05pm and I thought, ‘Shall I call to remind him? Nah, of course he would remember.’ Clearly, I was in an optimistic mood that day. Come 3:12pm, I get a call from the after-school club. As it rang, I looked at my phone. No. Surely not. Yup, he forgot to pick up the kids from school. I called my husband and asked where he was. Let’s be honest, it was more of a shriek than a question with some expletives thrown in. Naturally, he was in a meeting and forgot.
Now, I truly believe that he failed to remember and, of course, did not do it intentionally, but the point here is that a mother does not forget. Women do not forget. We remember what needs to be done all the time. And yes, sometimes we do let a ball fall. We are both extraordinary and human. We are not robots. We are not meant to be perfect. Yes, we put that pressure on ourselves on top of carrying this invisible burden. Yet, we are so hard on ourselves. That is why I am such an advocate for women to be their own best friends. Just look at how much you did today! Look at all the things you have achieved, so if the ball falls, that’s fine. Do not give yourself a hard time. Going into why it is that women have the pleasure of carrying the emotional burden is a whole other article – or even a whole other book – but for now, the point I am trying to make is how extraordinary us women are.
We are magnificent. Never tell yourself otherwise.
Noona Nafousi is a leading life coach based in Dubai, offering workshops to both corporations and individuals as well as conducting one-on-one coaching sessions.